Are you ready for some kickass fishes? Here's the freakin' list, bro!

Myxini: Hagfishes

What's up with those crazy teeth? And the slime? Trippy!

Geotriidae: Southern Lampreys

The males have a pouch below their mouths. But it kind of looks like a scrotum (not gonna lie).

Rhincodontidae: Whale Sharks

The biggest fish species in existence! And it doesn't even eat humans!!!!!!

Mitsukurinidae: Goblin Sharks

This shark's giant snout makes it awesome. Plus this video.

Megachasmidae: Megamouth Sharks

This shark is super rare but has a giant mouth. That's pretty cool.

Lamnidae: Mackerel Sharks

Great white shark, anyone? 'nuff said.

Somniosidae: Sleeper Sharks

Scarily large and their flesh is full of poison...but people eat it anyways.

Dalatiidae: Kitefin Sharks

THis group is awesome because it contains the super awesome Cookie-Cutter shark, Isistius brasiliensis.

Myliobatidae: Eagle Rays

Manta rays? Yes please.

Saccopharyngiformes: Sackpharynx Eels

These eels are just...freakin' weird. That's all I've got.

Chirocentridae: Wolf Herrings

It's like a herring...with huge fangs. The opposite of lame.


Ya know in the movies, when one person says "you'd have to be insane to take this mission," and the other person says "I know just the guys..." Yeah, this is the fish equivalent. These families are the craziest dudes I've ever seen. Just mind blowing awesome.

Trichomycteridae: Pencil Catfishes

Alright, so it probably doesn't swim up urine strems to lodge in your urethra. But it's still awesome!

Opisthoproctidae: Barreleyes

It's head is clear, so it can see through its skull. What's up with that?

Osmeridae: Smelts

Contains the former family Salangidae AKA noodlefishes. They literally look like a noodle! Plus I wrote a great joke in this section.


Just a collection of creepy deepsea fishies. Plus there's one that can generate red bioluminescence to see better. Why's that important? I dunno, click the link and read for yourself.


This group of fishes is like the rejects in a high school rom-com that gang up to win the day by the end of the movie. You've got spiky teeth, crazy cool eyes, and...bombay ducks?!?!?!

Lampridae: Opahs

The only real "warm blooded" fish, due to active generation of heat in its muscles.

Stylephoridae: Tube-Eyes

Tube eyes and expansile mouths? Sign me up.

Pirate Perches

You'd become a pirate too, if you had a neck-butt.


Also known as "fishes that won't win beauty contests any time soon." This group contains the most feminist of fishes, as the males are literally only good for becoming a parasitic pair of testicles while the females are free to live their lives.

Phallostethidae: Priapumfishes

These fishes have asymmetric penile organs under the throat. Plus they kinda look like penises.


Contains flying fishes, as well as fishes that have been known to jump out of the water and impale people. Quite the dichotomy.

Cetomimidae: Flabby Whalefishes

There used to be three families, until scientists realized they were actually just the male, female, and juvenile forms of this family. Silly scientists!

Anoplogastridae: Fangtooths

This fish wins the award for "most descriptive name." It looks like a hatchetfish with super canines.

Monocentridae: Pinecone Fishes

It looks like a pinecone, it's called the pinecone fish...that earns it a spot on the list, right?

Syngnathidae: Seahorses

AKA the most adorable fishes ever!

Scorpaenidae: Scorpionfishes

Also known as the jerks of the sea, they think they're hot stuff and can go wherever they want and cause trouble. But I'll admit, they have some cool colors. And potent venom.

Cyclopteridae: Lumpfishes

Awwww, its pelvic fins are modified into a suction cup! How cute is that?

Opistognathidae: Jawfishes

These little buggers are super cute, hiding in their hole but popping their heads out just to take a look. Plus they make great parents.

Coryphaenidae: Dolphinfishes

These fishes were cool even before I found out they have an awesome skull. And they're pretty tasty (Mahi Mahi anyone?).

Echeneidae: Remoras

Like that friend that always tags along everywhere, these guys stick to any big animal that moves. But they cute with their goofy lips!

Toxotidae: Archerfishes

The sharpshooters of the fish world. They can nail insects chillin' on the leaves above the water surface!

Cepolidae: Bandfishes

The semi-creepy weird cousin that shows up awkwardly to every Percoidei family reunion.

Anarhichadidae: Wolffishes

Just click the link and look at the teeth. Then have nightmares.

Channichthyidae: Crocodile Icefishes:

No hemoglobin? NO PROBLEM.

Uranoscopidae: Stargazers

Venom glands, electricity generation, and camouflage, this fish has it all.

Chaenopsidae: Tube Blennies

Winner of the "oh my goodness, is your jaw supposed to do that" award.

Gobiidae: Gobies

Contains the mudskippers, AKA the fishes that forgot they're supposed to live in water n' stuff.


This is the family of gym class heroes. It contains tuna, marlin/swordfishes, and cutlassfishes (winner of fencing class). Of course, there's also barracudas, the fish who just stood in the back and watched everyone else get creamed during dodgeball.


Doesn't get much flatter than this! Find out how a fish gets both eyes on one side of its head.


Who doesn't suck in water to scare away predators? Some of the most modified fishes, including the biggest living bony fish of them all.

Sarcopterygii: Lobe-Finned Fishes

Home of the humans! It contains the mysterious and enigmatic coelacanth, and the noodly-finned lungfishes.